Would You Like Fries With Your Moé?

"Thank you for your order... Master." Master? It's dinnertime at the Akiba Maid Deli, home of the Moé Burger. Welcome to Akihabara's latest "maid cafe," an attempt to fuse one of Japan's hottest subcultures with a fast-food restaurant. The woman taking my order is dressed in the de rigeur French maid costume and uses only the politest of Japanese on the customers. I glance at the register again. 2,100 yen ($20) for a "Moe Burger Deluxe" with fries and a beer. The Heineken alone comes to $9. Who's the "master" now? Ah, well. I fork over the bills in the name of pop-cultural journalism.

Confession time: I've never spent any time in a "real" maid cafe, the ones that are like hostess clubs for geeks, where lonely, plaid-wearing men pay a premium for a cup of coffee and the chance to breathe the same air as a female other than their mother for a while. Moé Burger's a little different; being a fast-food joint there's little if any real interaction with the maids beyond them carrying your order to your table for you. The cash register and kitchen occupy the right-hand corner of the narrow, rectangular room, with a tiny, four-table dining area in the rear. Ketchup, napkins, a fake plant or two... It looks less like a "gothic lolita" hangout than a Kentucky Fried Chicken. After getting my meager change and a little sign with my order number from maid number one, a second appears and guides me to an open table. The other seats are filled not with otaku but with what appears to be salarymen and women out for a taste of this hot new "moé" thing. One wall is covered with a swatch of netting from a hundred-yen shop. It's festooned with generically kawaii bric-a-brac vaguely suggestive of the Akihabara scene -- cute anime-girl postcards and little gashapon keychains, apparently hastily culled from the discount bin of the Mandarake down the street. A mid-sized flat panel display hangs on another wall, but rather than anime, it's only showing the DVD player's screen saver bouncing around the screen. Topping it all off, incongruously enough, is one of those wacky, nostalgic Guinness Beer posters you always see hanging in Irish pubs. The second maid hovers in a corner, nervously watching the customers for a chance to leap in and use the word "master" again. I sip the Heineken and ponder the ill-fatedness of the entire venture, but maybe they're just getting into the swing of things. Hell, they only just opened two days ago. The manager's even doing double-duty as the chef, flipping burgers and fry baskets in slacks and a tie. If they were serious, he'd be wearing a maid outfit too.

Waiting for my burger, I spot the inevitable no-photography signs. I'm not sure what one would actually want to shoot in here that couldn't be shot in a Shibuya McDonald's. But there's the Catch-22: when photographing maids is outlawed, only outlaws will photograph maids. Only in Japan could you dress your staff up in ridiculous outfits and yet still get indignant when -- surprise of surprises -- customers get the crazy idea to snap a few photos. It isn't just the maids: "image rights" have been a cause célèbre for the last few years here. Otakuism's come full circle from the copyright-infringing, music-stealing days of Daicon III and IV.

Here comes the meat. The burger, I mean. Maid #2 brushes against me as she sets the meal on my table, but it's tough to tell if this is some sort of "special service" or my increasingly desperate attempts to convince myself I paid $20 plus for something more than a burger and fries. When it comes to hamburgers, "Moé Deluxe" apparently translates into "Thousand Island dressing with bacon." It isn't half bad.

I polish off the food and beer, stand up, and mosey on out. Upon reaching the street, I hear a voice behind me. It's maid #2 again. A light drizzle is falling and Akihabara's normally filthy streets gleam like polished polystyrene. It doesn't stop her from scurrying out and bowing deeply.

"Thank you for coming, master." I resist the urge to take a final, forbidden photograph and run like a girl. Instead I just nod and walk back towards the station in search of a cheaper beer.

Moé Burger Official Site

Comments

[Steve Harrison]

Again, I cite the 'Sailor Fuku Salon' from the Cream Lemon OAV 'Pop Chaser'.

I dunno, for Japan the price doesn't seem THAT insane, given that a trip to Fuddruckers would set me back between $10-12 bucks (including tip), and nobody called me master there either.

For some odd reason the image I get of the layout and kitchen reminds me of the Wimpy's as seen in 'Bedazzled', but I suspect there was no Peter Cook to be seen....

So what do you think? 6 months? maybe a year? then reboot and it's something else? Or is this the ground floor, the opening gun of Moe Burger appearing across Japan?

[Matt]

I'm probably just being a cheapskate about the tab, which isn't all that crazy by Tokyo standards. But really, neither the food nor the atmosphere is anything to write home about. It's like they're past even trying anymore. Then again, I'm not much of a maid devotee and could very possibly be missing some of the charm.

What's next? I dunno. Maid sushi? Maid in-house maid service? A restaurant where the employees all dress normally but the customers have to wear maid outfits?

[Ike]

Next time, I should take you to a real maids cafe ;-)

[Matt]

Wait! I've got it! A combo of a maid cafe with that airsoft gun bar we went to in Roppongi! IT'S THE WAVE OF THE FUTURE, MAN!

[Steve Harrison]

"Please, Master, won't you try the M-60? It's a gas powered full auto machine gun used in the Vietnam war, and Rambo used one...please, give it a try? Only 1000 Yen more..."

Holy mother of god...help me...

[Ike]

You mean something like this? ;-)
http://www.d3p.co.jp/s_20/s20_105.html

[Matt]

Or even better, this:

http://www.akibablog.net/archives/2006/06/_stgracecourt.html

The "Sister Cafe," a nun-cosplay theme restaurant.

[ed]

Sad to say the place closed last week. I got to go when I was last in Tokyo for Comiket 71. I didn't get special service but the 1000 Island was a good kick after a couple hours of doujin hunting at Sinjuku Shoten and Melon Books down the block.

Looks like the owners are going to re-open the place as a maid gekijo cafe??!!??

[Steve Harrison]

Wow...I'm a freakin' prophet. Six months, *zing* and reboot the space.

But there's no need for Yuri Geller to feel threatened,it's just the nature of such things.

[Ike]

Apparently that news from last year about a maid cafe staff that was kidnapped was actually this store if I remember correctly. That probably had to do something with the closing.

[Matt]

Ah, that notorious incident. Are you referring to this?

http://patrickmacias.blogs.com/er/2006/03/menu_o_misete_k.html

I think it was in UENO. Or was there yet ANOTHER one?

[Ike]

No this one was in Akiba. That, I am sure of. But yeah, some places don't have any yakuz...er, male staff and they do complain about how dangerous it could be. Those poor girls...